Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Morphine - err no not today thanks

I've always been a bit of a sucker for drugs and lots of them, if I could get my hands on them. I'd always have one more of anything that was on offer, rarely said no. Having said all that I haven't taken a thing for a few years now.

So when the nurse offered me morphine I said yes. To be fair I was in quite a bit of pain. 'I'll just give you 10mls and then if you need more give me a shout' said the nurse. Looking around the recovery room it looked like a few people might need a hell of a lot more than 10mls.

The guy opposite me had stitches criss crossing his head and a white plate had been inserted at the side and stitched in. He then had what looked like a salt cellar sticking out from under the skin at the back. If I wasn't so fubared after the anaesthetic and the morphine I think it would have really freaked me out, but it just looked interesting. I must have been looking for quite a while because the nurse came back round and said 'Do you need more pain relief?', 'Errr yes please'.

He gave me another shot and I thought my heart rate had gone through the roof. I turned to have a look at the monitor, but as usual none of it meant anything to me. I must have seen dozens of those obs machines in my time, but I've never been inclined to actually find out what they're saying. Is 138 over 72 decent blood pressure? I will probably never know, because I can't be bothered.

Anyway over the next 30 minutes or so I really start to get it together. The second shot of morphine really seemed to mong me out for a bit, but gradually I get to take in the whole freak show. Right next to me there's a guy who's had his appendix done in emergency surgery like me. Only reason I know that is he had the same registrar and she was backing up the general surgery team. Diagonally opposite me there's a guy who's been in for a skin graft on his hand and is apparently a patient of the local care hospital under the mental health act. He is having a very scary re-entry in to conciousness. Opposite, well it's criss ross man and the more lucid I get the more he's really scaring me. Diagonally right there's a woman who's moaning, it sounds like she HAD her knee done, but she's in a lot of pain. Helpfully the ward staff and recovery room staff are right on hand to have a real ding-dong argument about whether she's ready to go up to the ward. Then a bit further round there's a very elderly woman called Joyce, who doesn't know where the fuck she is and all the efforts of the nursing team ar... ''Would you like some more pain killers Mr Heath?''.

I haD a think. I look across it's the last syringe, I'm feeling fine and I'm certainly in the best possible state of anyone on the ward, everything feels normal and not in the slightest surreal anymore 'Err, yes please' - weeeelll you've gotta give these things a crack. My thinking was, the first two shots were all mixed in with the anaesthetic so I had no idea what they were all about, but the third, well with a clear head I could give it a real clear run. So in to the canular it went and boy was it horrible, it completely numbed everything, I kept catching myself thinking, 'God I bet I look like a complete veggie lying here'and no doubt I did. I smoked opium at uni once, by mistake, thinking it was hash pipe and it was exactly the same feeling completely toasted, incapable of any real movement just rooted sunk in to the pillow, a feeling captured perfectly in trainspotting when Ewan McGregor disappears into the ground with the carpet.

So lesson learned. Next time, if I'm offered a dose of morphine and I'm not in considerable pain. Refuse.

Except, I know I won't. As I said, I'm a sucker for drugs

19 comments:

David Citizen of the world said...

Jesus Six. Why the morphine ? I had it once andd it took me three years to get unhooked.

Lucy said...

What has been happening??
Chest pains?

138/72 is ok , the 2nd figure -diastolic is well under 90.

Lucy said...

Having just reread that was it an appendicectomy?
Hope your well on the way to recovery now .

Paul said...

I remember when I was a teenager you took kaolin and morphine for an upset stomach - if you didn't shake the bottle you had the white kaolin at the bottom and the brownish morphine at the top. I must admit for a while I liked the taste.

Hope everything's okay now.

David Citizen of the world said...

Oh yes. I can see it now. Get well soon six.

Six Years Late said...

See Lucy, bad grammar always lets me down evantually. It isn't appendicitis I had, it was the emergency surgery. Ah well in for a penny. I had a perianal abscess which had to be lanced and drained. I won't go in to detail, if you want to google it be my guest, all I can say is that it was bloody panful and probbly went a good way towards making me as grumpy as I was last week, but now it's dealt with and I'm a lot more comfortable.

Paul said...

Re your blood pressure the systolic figure should be your age+100. When you measure your heart rate during exercise it shouldn't exceed 220-your age.

I know you don't care but I've got my anorak on.

Lucy said...

Maybe Six but the first time I read it, i read it as it is - that you both had emergency surgery. Its only when curiosity got the better of me that I decided to interpret it wrongly. However I can understand your reluctance to spell it out...!
Seriously though they are more common than you would imagine and when I was working in the community we always had one on the list that needed daily packing.
Enjoy the codeine...

Les Paul Junior said...

Six,

Sorry to hear about all this.
I've heard about this sort of thing before. One of my colleagues had one that he described as being "just at the bifurcation". Not pleasant by all accounts. Is it going to keep you off work for long?

I hope you have a speedy recovery!

Curmy said...

Sorry you've not been well Six, it's a real pain in the butt (sorry) !
Imagine being in pain like that for 12 hours, that's childbirth !

Six Years Late said...

hanks Curmy. Funnily enough that's exactly what my wife said.

Span Ows said...

"you've gotta give these things a crack."...you said that on purpose didn't you!...be careful!

"I had a perianal abscess which had to be lanced and drained. I won't go in to detail"...you just did! ouch!

Curmy said...

Six, its like that Victor Meldrew episode, when he had trouble with his bum, and complained to his wife at the airport, in a loud voice about the crack in his bottom.
5 mins later, the customs officers had him spreadeagled on the table ! !

David Citizen of the world said...

GLad to hear you're better six - now I've looked it up I apologise for calling you grrumpy last week (it wa tongue in cheek though honest !).


Not the best of weeks for me either as it goes.

Gavin Corder said...

"A perianal abscess" cheer up - it's just a bad boil on the bum! ;-) Virtual grapes winging their way to the convalescent! Oh no grapes that's piles not boils...

Does it hurt? Only when I laugh!

Being hearty just doesn't work in these circumstances does it? Sorry old chap, hope you're back in the saddle soon! (Saddle, bum, geddit?)

The Great Gildersleeve said...

Six,
I've read this later than most, as I say a disadvantage with the web is that friends disappear and we may never know why. No illness is fun and its amazing what may be considered nothing by some can cause so much pain.

Hope you're fixed and that's the end of it.(ahem)

It was only a few weeks ago you were suffering so maybe there is a connection between both bouts of being unwell. So lets hope that's it for quite some time.

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